Stab my toe and hope to die
by T1gerCat
Summary: When in episode "Deja Q" Q suddenly finds himself human he says "Now I can stab my toe with the best of them" Which human does that remind us of? Let's see what would happen if a certain human is not exactly a human...


_**Stab my toe and hope to die**_

When in the episode 'Deja Q', Q becomes human he says he can stab his toe with the best of them. I could only imagine one more person like that...

Pairing QxBella

Captain Jan-Luc Picard was slowly losing it. Having Q aboard his ship was driving him mad along with all personnel of his ship. He was also mad with Q - could he still call the alien Q since that was the name of his species? - because of Q's newest enemy the Calamarain. On the other hand the alien's knowledge about the situation with the Bre'el IV and their moon problems.

He was now at his chambers with Commander Riker, Counselor Troi, Worf, La Forge and Dr. Crusher discussing their problem that was currently at the bar drinking its sorrows alongside Data that was the only being on this ship that actually liked the alien.

"You know Captain we can simply leave him to the next Starbase and high tail it out of there"

"That would be kind of cold number one"

the bald man replied.

"we cannot keep him captain"

Liutenant Worf said in his gruff tone.

"He did try to commit suicide by letting the Calamarain catch him so we could be left in peace to save the Bre'el IV"

"that he himself showed us how"

Riker finished La Forge's sentence.

"What do we do with him then?"

Picard asked. Suddenly a small smile formed on Troi's lips.

"He is human captain and maybe we could leave him on earth."

"To cause Chaos councellor?"

Troi's smirk grew

"He's powerless. We can drop him in the past"

Everyone turned to look at her. Her slightly sinister smirk soon found a clone at Beverly Crusher's lips. The two women exchanged glances and turned to look at Picard who suddenly was afraid, very afraid.

"I have been helping Wesley with his studies and he's in history of the 21st century"

Suddenly Riker's mouth dried. He remembered very clearly how Deanna droned on and on and on about the year that vampires came out of the coffin, so to speak, caused by a romance between a human girl and a vampire man.

"You're saying send Q to the past?"

Picard asked and the two women nodded

"To do what? Help the vampires roam free?"

"how do you know it didn't already happen Warf? According to Wesley's teachers it is strange how easily the vampires came out"

Picard groaned. Not for the first time he wished this was all a bad dream. Judging by the freaked out expression in Warf's face and the amused in La Forge's he wasn't alone in the ship

"Fine. Send word to Starfleet of the 21st century Riker. We have a ... passenger to drop off"

The next day all communications had been finished, Q had decided where he'd go (as if he had many options) and a small away team had been formed. Of course by saying a small away team I mean almost everyone from the bridge. They all wanted to see the earth of that age. After changing to some era appropriate clothes, placing a hat on Warf's head, sunglasses on La Forge and colored contacts on Data they were ready.

The team beamed to the private office of the Starfleet officer in Washigton. The man in question was disguised as a police sheriff in a small town where everyone knew each other. He stood up from his leather chair as nine beams appeared inside his bigger-than-should-be office.

"Sheriff"

Picard said in a joking tone

"Captain"

Sheriff said in the same tone. Picard took a step to the side and made the introductions.

"Sheriff this is my crew, my second in command William Riker, Councelor Troi, Dr. Crusher and her son Wesley, Liutenants Geordi La Forge and Warf and this is Data. This is Starfleet officer Charles Swan moonlighting as a local sheriff here and a watcher for the united federation of planets looking for fallen aliens"

as he finished his speech a girl that stood silent to the side moved forward straight to the enterprise crew, pushed them aside until she reached Q and gave him a precise, well aimed kick with her knee. Q doubled over in pain and fell slowly to the floor

"I believe the term you're looking for is ouch"

she told him coldly and Q did just that. Moaned in pain causing almost everymale in the room to hiss & chuckle imagining the pain. Then she turned to Picard.

"Captain I am so so _sooo_ sorry for whatever he did this time"

"and you are miss?"

"Former Q continuum member, only _**I**_ took my position back and chose to remain here"

"I am afraid I don't understand"

"Every Q member has a male and a female part. Disgusting I know. He" she jerked her head to the side pointing to Q who was still grabbing himself in pain "and I used to be one item until he got us kicked out. I was sent here by the federation"

"She is posing as my daughter and after saving my ex-wife's life she was given her position to the continuum back. She decided to join me at the federation"

"my new name is Isabella Swan, you can call me Bella"

Picard nodded and shook her hand. Troi looked at the girl and could only feel positive emotions coming off of her except the disgust she felt when looking at Q and the embarrassment as the males around her stared openly at her figure. Well those whose age was under the forty mark Troi thought.

"Keep an eye on him Swan"

Picard ordered and the man in question chuckled and nodded. He was in for an adventure

"Maybe we can feed him to the wolves"

Everyone turned to look at Bella astonished, she laughed and raised her hands in mock surrender.

"Just kidding"

Still the thought of Q as a sparkly vampire was hilarious though and she lost herself in giggles causing the empathic Deanna Troi to join her making everyone else laugh along.


End file.
